JP2 KIDS, This is Our Time



I’d much rather be posting boomerangs of my coffee drinks, hair progress and LA looks,  but the news of this past week brought down such a pall that I can’t not speak. Life is hanging in the balance in the United States. The gravity of the throw away culture didn’t just emerge this past week with Gov. Cuomo’s barbaric legislation paving the way for abortion up to birth. The culture of death has been here for decades. The horror of the celebration by New York lawmakers to the sign post of lighting up New York’s major landmarks in pink became one of the most base visuals in the American landscape. Do you know any woman or man who has been impacted by abortion that threw a party? The people I know who have had abortions or men who have been forced against their will into an abortion are broken.

Over twenty years ago Saint John Paul II arrived in the United States for World Youth Day in Denver. A pilgrimage gathering of Catholic teens in celebration of the faith and at the feet of the Vicar of Christ on earth. Pope John Paul II’s Pontificate was spent commissioning young people, trusting them with the mission of spreading the Gospel to every nation. Saint John Paul II formed the consciences of the young Church now in its 30’s, 40’s and 50’s – those who are now in leadership and family life – and bearing witness against this tide that wants to wreak havoc on human sexuality, marriage and the family.

The 8th World Youth Day was themed after John 10:10 “I came that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” I’ll never forget the saint’s words to the whole Church at Cherry Creek Park August 1993:

“At this stage of history, the liberating message of the Gospel of Life has been put into your hands. And the mission of proclaiming it to the ends of the earth is now passing to your generation. Like the great Apostle Paul, you too must feel the full urgency of the task: “Woe to me if I do not evangelize” (1Cor 9,16). Woe to you if you do not succeed in defending life. The Church needs your energies, your enthusiasm, your youthful ideals, in order to make the Gospel of Life penetrate the fabric of society, transforming people’s hearts and the structures of society in order to create a civilization of true justice and love. Now more than ever, in a world that is often without light and without the courage of noble ideals, people need the fresh, vital spirituality of the Gospel.”

He went on to say:

“In much of contemporary thinking, any reference to a “law” guaranteed by the Creator is absent. There remains only each individual’s choice of this or that objective as convenient or useful in a given set of circumstances. No longer is anything considered intrinsically “good” and “universally binding”. Rights are affirmed but, because they are without any reference to an objective truth, they are deprived of any solid basis. Vast sectors of society are confused about what is right and what is wrong, and are at the mercy of those with the power to “create” opinion and impose it on others. ..The family especially is under attack. And the sacred character of human life denied. Naturally, the weakest members of society are the most at risk: the unborn, children, the sick, the handicapped, the old, the poor and unemployed, the immigrant and refugee, the South of the world!”

One night while praying I had a profound vision of Saint John Paul II and the message was so deeply impactful. My grandmother was in the last stages of her life at age 95 and my family had cared for her in her bed ridden condition for several years. The throw away culture would suggest placing her in a nursing home or “get your own life” and be free to live your own. My aunt and my mom made radical provisions and sacrifice to allow for my grandmother to be cared for lovingly in her own home until her last day. My aunt moved in with my grandmother at great sacrifice to her immediate family life and it was tiring physically and spiritually. Some family thought this was too much and that we were just “keeping her alive.”  We were realizing that this care at the end of life was radical in the eyes of contemporary culture. Too sacrificial. And too convicting for those around us who didn’t want to be required of the same. Because what real purpose does a 90-ish year old woman have? A lot in the eyes of God. I’m not saying it was an easy path for my family but they pressed in, amid the pain and suffering for a culture of life.

That night in prayer, what God permitted me to see as we prayed for perseverance, grace and mercy, was Saint John Paul II kneeling in a genuflected state, one knee down and one up, with his arms around my aunt’s waist and his head pressed into her womb. In this vision, my aunt was in my grandmother’s bedroom and my aunt facing my grandmother in her bed and JP2 was kneeling, almost honoring my aunt. I couldn’t understand at first what this meant and I asked the Lord – what is happening here (it seemed sort of weird) and I heard the words, “All of Heaven bows down at this regard for human life.” Then I had this complete interior understanding – from the womb (head pressed into her womb) to the end of life. God was showing me that all of Heaven bows down because the sanctity of those building up a culture of life is rare and radical. God was showing me, even if people are not on your side in this, Heaven IS on your side – and Saint John Paul II especially present.

I believe Saint John Paul II and Saint Mother Teresa were the strongest voices of life in this generation. We who were formed by them, have a particular call to echo their words, echo their actions, and heed the commission and go to the ends of the earth, even the uncomfortable places to bear witness to the Gospel of life. Saint John Paul II urged:

“Have no fear. The outcome of the battle for Life is already decided, even though the struggle goes on against great odds and with much suffering. …. The paradox of the Christian message is this: Christ – the Head – has already conquered sin and death. Christ in his Body – the pilgrim People of God – continually suffers the onslaught of the Evil One and all the evil which sinful humanity is capable of.”

We cannot be afraid. Even as we see the manifestation of the Crucifixion of our Lord again and again as the deaths of the innocent continue. It’s not enough to silently believe it’s horrible. We need to speak, we need to pray, we need to teach and instruct. Joyfully, in love, but in the truth. The enemy operates to blind people to truth. The enemy wants us silent. The enemy wants us angry and fearful. We have to bear our Christian witness with joy, conviction and trust that even the greatest sinner and perpetrator of this evil could be converted at any moment.

I’m working on a new feature film called UNPLANNED and it’s the true story of Abby Johnson (releasing March 29) whose testimony is most authentic because she was snatched back from the culture of death. Abby was a Planned Parenthood Clinic director super star who for almost a decade was complicit in nearly 22,000 abortions. Abby also had two of her own abortions. By God’s grace and the prayers of her own husband, parents and strangers who got to know her on the other side of the fence, Abby came out of the darkness of the pro-choice world. This happened when she assisted in an ultra-sound guided abortion and she saw an unborn baby fight for its life until it was sucked out of the womb. What she saw changed everything. Now she has helped lead nearly 500 abortion workers out of the abortion industry. You can listen to my conversation with Abby Johnson on Mary’s Touch radio here.

Deliverance is possible. Shifting the culture of life is possible. We have to do it in the area in which God has called us to live, work and serve. One on one, hand to hand combat. One on one with God on our knees interceding constantly for hearts and minds to be illuminated. May, He who was wounded for our offenses and became Victim on the Cross, remember Mercy to us and our nation. Holy Innocents, pray for us! Saint John Paul II, pray for us!

Praying for you, praying for life+







Where were you ten years ago at Christmastime? I was the youngest snow bird that ever lived. I was working in Palm Beach as the chief mouthpiece for the Catholic diocese and local bishop jetting back and forth to my Boston and northeast brood to get my fix of “home” along with  a side dish of city to fill the perpetual ache of homesickness. At this point I was three years into a heavy duty assignment rife with crisis communications, but one particular December at the end of 2008 became a New York minute game changer.

What was a simple makeshift girl’s road trip from Boston to New York to break in my aunt’s new mini van turned into a full on spiritual breakthrough that unfolded inside the sacred crypt underneath the altar at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral on 5th Avenue. The gals in my family are a lot like yours. We shop, we eat, we love beautiful things and we pray.

I remember the robo calling and texting one aunt, two aunt, third aunt, my sister and with my mom and niece we were a girl-pack of seven squeezed into the un-Christened mini-van with that perfect new car smell and tins of freshly baked, very high end Christmas cookies for this spontaneous holiday excursion. My Aunt Dean’s mark on our holidays was unmatched and she made events and a road trip like this special so that the 3 and a half hour ride from Boston to Manhattan would be festive as we passed around the tins with our coffees. Just don’t dirty Aunt Penny’s new ride!

We stayed at the Waldorf and piled into two rooms, and plotted our New York adventure of the Rockettes Christmas extravaganza, shopping on 5th Ave, American Girl Doll, Zabar’s, brief spins through our old neighborhoods, favorite haunts….and Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. Everyone had similar and different agendas but we all rallied around the important stuff. Everyone made their way to Saint Pat’s for a look inside and a few of us stayed for Mass, after which the experience of experiences inside the crypt took our breath away.

Ten years ago, I had no idea the Emmy award winning Bishop Sheen was on track for sainthood. I just thought -dead, holy bishop – he could most definitely help me in several areas of my life. I had this blossoming spiritual friendship with Sheen during my assignment in Palm Beach and prayed asking his intercession on a handful of occasions. Not realizing he was buried at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, and after seeing a prayer on the engraved kneeler where I was praying, I was dumb founded and catapulted into the reality that this blooming friendship was no coincidence with God.

It took some fancy persuasion to get inside the crypt to pray in close proximity to Sheen at his resting place. Hi, New York. Please meet Boston. I PR’d it and we got in.

After praying inside and silently asking Bishop Sheen for help with five impossible intentions, I told him if he helped me with Jesus – if he obtained these intentions from the Lord, I would promote him. If anyone told me that ten years later, after that spontaneous and Spirit filled prayer, that I would be wrapping a year-long book tour and leading retreats “In the School of Fulton J. Sheen” – I would not have believed it. We think God is sometimes a “one and done” experience and Jesus continuously shows me this race is a marathon not a sprint.


God took this little closing prayer of mine so seriously that when I walked out of Saint Patrick’s and turned on my phone to meet up with the rest of my family, I had an email at the top of my inbox from a priest I never met before. He introduced himself as the executive director of the Cause for Canonization for Fulton John Sheen in Peoria, ILL and asked if I would help “promote” his cause for sainthood in south Florida. WHATTTT?

The Holy Spirit was moving as fast as a locomotive and when I returned to my diocesan work after Christmas break, plans were hatched to begin promotion of Sheen’s cause. The saint-to-be became a heavenly intercessor during a time of much needed renewal in the Church. Sheen also began to make good on the intentions that I had prayed for inside the crypt. One at a time these very impossible situations were being answered. The first came like a nuclear bomb and the next two came within a couple of years. Sheen let me know that he was behind each of these petitions coming to pass.

You can read more in Fulton J. Sheen from the new Ex Libris series by Pauline Media, a compilation of Sheen’s wisdom that includes my introduction on how this famous New York bishop crashed into my life and why he is relevant for a new generation.

I’ll be back in New York this December, this time signing books at Pauline Books and Media on December 7th and I will present a lecture at the Sheen Center for Thought and Culture, Sunday, December 9th, the memorial of Bishop Sheen’s death. I join Monsignor Franco, former assistant to Bishop Sheen for this very special and emotional day.

A lot has happened in ten years. There have been incredible joys and deep pains and sorrows. Four intentions have come forth in ways that only heaven can take credit for. God has put my feet into the deep as He’s moved the Divine chess pieces of my life around according to His will. Some of the most surprising aspects of my last decade have been shaped through the intercession of Bishop Fulton J. Sheen and as I look back on God’s hand coordinated with His saint in the making, I am in total awe of His ways, high above my ways.


If the security guards at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral let me in, I hope to make a visit inside the crypt to pray in thanksgiving for all the Lord has done through the intercession of Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. I have one intention that remains. Sheen has it and he will deliver it. I expect the loop of a perfect ten years to bring this intention to a divine and dramatic unfolding. Best for last.

Praying for you+




October Surprise



I’m always one that remembers dates and anniversaries. I drive my family crazy with my “photographic memory” of events and the meaning behind specific moments in time. I’m not sure what it is about my specific DNA that delights in the divine alignment of things, but I notice when things land as well as how and where. I don’t like maps or perfect plans  and I have the most drive- everyone-crazy free spirit about my own timing of showing up and arrival to the point of blaming it all on LA traffic or the Holy Spirit. Nevertheless, there is also this particular analytical mind set within me to seek the divine imprint on everything around me that totally contradicts some of my genetic make-up.

The Church is rather specific about setting apart and dedicating “time” to saints and sway and calendaring the invasion of divinity and the bigly stuff – feast days, holy days of Obligation, Advent, Lent etc. God is even more specific with time, and in the Bible time and place are methodically chronicled.

This month of October is dedicated entirely to Our Lady, the mother of God and Queen of the Most Holy Rosary. It’s her month. All of it. And I guess that means that for us there is even more efficacy when we lean into her motherly heart during this time. We celebrate in a particular way the feast of Our Lady of Fatima on October 13 and we are leading up to Advent where we look at the miraculous elements contained in the Annunciation when the Angel Gabriel foretold to Mary that she would be the Mother of Jesus Christ.

I have my own October surprise story around Mary and the Rosary and each year this month I look back at what she’s done for me in full expectation that she will finish what she started. I’ve always been a devotee of the Holy Rosary from the time of my teen years and that devotion, though frequent, grew over time to a daily commitment with more grace and spiritual maturation.

When I moved to Palm Beach in 2005 I was called into a family of prayer that became the parallel blessing during my time of service to the Church. So while I was full of this missionary zeal that compelled me to serve the Church, God at the same time wanted to heal all the broken pieces of my life. To help with this process, I was spiritually adopted by this extraordinarily anointed Haitian family who took me on as their own spiritual daughter and sister. To this day, they stand with me in the most selfless way to usher in God’s plan for my life. I have never known as much self-sacrifice and love as the love I’ve experienced from this household of faith which became a school of prayer. I have learned the most about myself and the character of God.

Every Friday night I was part of their cenacle of prayer – a school of the Holy Spirit that was largely Marian, wholly orthodox and very charismatic. Every night was different from the week before, yet the same pillars of faith were central – the Rosary. Divine Mercy. Mass. Instruction. Laying on of hands. Every Friday night I was generally the only white face among this truly pious family of faith, some migrants traveling over an hour to attend and give Christ their Friday nights. Some of the elements were common to me and some were foreign or being reintroduced as the Lord truly wanted all of me and not a compartmentalized version of my Catholic expression to the world. In other words, God was calling me to live my Christian witness day in and day out and not just when convenient or on only on Sundays. I believed that I had been a fearless witness throughout my young life, but God wanted a higher level of commitment and a bolder, more honest witness. Every Friday I was stretched in my ability to bend, have my will broken, have my heart enlarged, be transformed in patience, and not let my sacrifice go unwasted.

Everything about my time in Palm Beach seemed countercultural and this was some of the most radical, and yet I needed so much of what they had – true willingness to let Christ mold me, greater devotion to sustain me through scandal and the particular call on my life at that time, to bring me the healing that I so desperately needed from being banged up in the secular world and in the dysfunction of broken family life and for the formation and strengthening for the climb to the next level.

It was during my season of every Friday night prayer with this beautiful family that one vivid October night during our recitation of the Holy Rosary, I felt a heat move through my entire body. I had never experienced anything like this before. It wasn’t super dramatic, but it was real and I knew it was the power of God.  He was doing something inside me, interiorly and through the Rosary. I didn’t need to know what He was doing but that He was operative. The next morning Mathilde called me and said, “during the Rosary the Lord showed me that you are to pray a 54-day Rosary novena.”

At this time, I was praying the Rosary daily or praying it at night and falling asleep half-way through, but just the SOUND of praying 54 days in a row sort of freaked me out! Could I, do it? FIFTY. FOUR. DAYS. REALLY? She went on to tell me how miraculous this novena was to break chains and that I should pray this for my husband, not for a new job or geographic cure (to leave Florida). She was firm like a tough mother. That was a prayer I could get behind and I started it immediately on that October Saturday night. I googled the devotion and found the origin was in Pompeii, Italy and the story fascinated me. You pray 27 days in petition and 27 days in thanksgiving – confidently as though you already got your answer. Mary’s got my answer. Act as if. I was down.

A whole 55 days later, one day after the Rosary novena ended, I was contacted by an acquaintance who invited me to join her in film work. She said she could not sleep the night before and was praying the Rosary, that the Lord spoke to her and said “You have not, because you ask not. If you ask her she will come.”

I was like “Jesus,  I prayed for my husband and you are giving me a new job? Really Jesus? You are so funny.” I knew that somehow this prayer – this 54-day Rosary novena – the miraculous powerhouse novena and this “move” of God on the 55th day was leading me directly on the path of my future husband and to not question God. This company was not long-established. I was going to work virtually (whatever that meant) and I was going to leave the job that I largely wanted to run from amid difficulty but had grown in so much love with that my heart was split open when it came time to leave. It didn’t seem like anything I should do on the natural level, but in the supernatural level, I knew that I just prayed for 54 days straight and even to the point when I might fall asleep, I’d stand up to finish the Rosary .. because I was not going to fail at this 54-days or miss what God had for me.

I wept when I gave my notice to my bishop. It was one of the hardest and saddest days of my life. I grew to love him as a spiritual father and yet there was this pull on my heart to move to where my husband would be. Wherever that was. The Rosary novena was the lasso that catapulted me to new places and spaces for this anticipated encounter. As much as I loved the Church, I never felt called to be “lost in it” – I always wanted marriage and the passion of love and romance and the fruit of that – a family. My bishop knew that I was not called to religious life and was praying for my vocation as well. On I went.

I don’t think there is a coincidence with timing, even when timing seems out of alignment or delayed. When I look back at God’s hand on my life and his particular imprint of timing, I am sometimes in awe of His ability to reach in and arrange every detail – He’s always on time – never early, and never late.

I’ve learned over time to lean into divine timing and the anointed space and places, repetitive prayers and cries to a mother that move the heart of God to let him loosen my feet and open my heart to be available, vulnerable and positioned for His Divine Will knowing that He has the perfect timing, even amid a delay or interference, He has the capacity to do it better, bigger, in a more meaningful way than I could ever expect or plan for myself. Such was Mary’s Fiat. Such was her trust. Such was her blind faith.

Our Lady represents the central figure in the Gospels who blindly accepted God’s declaration over her life to be used for His glory. Our Lady is the hidden and unknown one who has favor rest upon her because she fellowshipped with Him. Our Lady let God take her by the hand and lead her even when all had the appearance of scandal upon scandal when she alone had the knowledge of what was foretold and a glimpse of the presence of Divinity. Our Lady trusted when the angel Gabriel foretold her destiny and she didn’t understand “how could this be?” Isn’t that the case with us. He tells in small doses, gently lifts the veil, and begins to move in us, for us and we don’t understand in our blindness how could something so great be done unto us, for us, through us, and yet, in God’s mysterious design, He is the God of surprise and fulfillment. When we let Him lead and have His way, there is an abundant blessing awaiting us.

My October surprise is this supernatural gift of the Rosary, beads of love that transported me in a deeper way through the Gospel – and ever closer to my own destiny and vocation of sacrifice and love.

This month is not over yet. Lean into the Mother of Surprise, the Mother of all Grace and Divine sway and let her share with you a portion of the Holy Spirit fire that overshadowed every aspect of her life.

Our Lady, Queen of the Most Holy Rosary, pray for us+

Praying for you+


What Are You Waiting For?



Time is whipping and the calendar is full of movement on the movie campaigns, PR plans and my own book tour. So with that, I’m not really sure where this blog is going today and I am not sure this is my normal font, but I feel like I’m supposed to connect to let you know I’m alive, well and that I am thinking about you! So whatever you need to hear, may you hear it and whatever you need from Jesus, may you receive it this very day. 

Summer is flying by and it’s hot in LA and everywhere else I’ve been traveling! Outside of work and the normal apostolic (frenetic) movements, I’ve been staying in a prayer cave as I “birth” the next wave of things to come in my life – the things that God has promised He will do. The season of preparation is very important. You can’t just have _____ and not prepare.

Whatever it is you seek, I pray you are not just striving for that thing, but preparing for that thing. There is a level of disposition God wants us to have toward these big results we seek and sometimes he tests us to see how serious we are in our desire. I feel sometimes God wants to prove my love for him as a testimony to the world, the haters and those who doubt in God’s ability to move for His own. When it seems like nothing is happening will we fight for our blessing? When it seems like a perpetual wilderness, do we put on joy? When Heaven seems deaf, do we war in prayer? When no one else around us believes with us, can we withstand and press on knowing He will come through in exactly the way HE declared?  I say YES to all of the above.

The dry periods and waiting periods are not to break us but to strengthen us from within and to give us a disposition of spiritual maturity and readiness for that gift. I fully believe God also uses the drama of this kind of testy waiting to produce monumental testimony to the world. I mean what drama of a story could exist without some extraordinary companion tension? The “story” would be dull as hell. It’s like every good movie plot and Jesus is the master screenwriter. 

God was very serious with me when He spoke into my heart about preparation. You learn more about my story here: A Prayer in a Crypt that Led Straight to LA  and here Sheen’s Wisdom Compiled in New Book

Most of you who follow this blog know that I recently released a new book from Pauline Media’s brand new Ex Libris series. It’s called FULTON J. SHEEN – I hyperlinked it so you can snag your own personal copy for you and maybe one for a friend who needs a spiritual boost. This is a compilation on the spirituality of Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, the Emmy Award Winning saint-to-be and one of the greatest influences on the American Church to date. It’s been a deep privilege and honor to advance his spirituality to so many for such a time as this. Our world needs Sheen’s presentation of the Gospel like no other time in history. I’m grateful to my colleagues in the media who have graciously invited me to share my story and the details about this new work with the world. I’m grateful too to the “Media Nuns” for publishing this work and inviting me into this project. They are a spiritual force of love in my life and have really blessed me in many ways in this season of grace.

Even greater than the media coverage of this little spiritual bullet, is the impetus to bring the book and Sheen’s powerful teaching on the road for retreats and events.  I’m excited to be joining so many wonderful communities of faith upcoming with my personal testimony and for talks and retreats IN THE SCHOOL OF FULTON J. SHEEN.  This is where the Holy Spirit is really at work for renewal. I’ll be in Oakland, CA;  Taylors, South Carolina; Palm Beach, Florida; Austin, Texas; and New York City to name a few spots and I’m seeing the miraculous happen for people as they come into friendship with this power house intercessor.  If you are interested in bringing a retreat like this based on the book to your diocese or parish, feel free to send me a direct message on the blog. 

You have stubborn and impossible intentions? Go to Sheen. You want a husband or a wife? Go to Sheen. You have a persistent sin you struggle with? Go to Sheen. You have brokenness in your family life? Go to Sheen. You are facing a crisis in your priesthood? Go to Sheen. You are physically sick and have been delivered a negative report? Go to Sheen. You have provision that you need, be it financial or real estate? Go to Sheen. You feel unworthy of the vocational call the Lord is leading you toward? Go to Sheen. You have a dream in your heart and no human way to bring it about? Go to Sheen. You are in bondage? Go to Sheen. You are having a crisis of faith? Go to Sheen. You work for the Church and suffer with all that’s breaking in the news and want to run? Go to Sheen. You are waiting for what seems like a season where Jesus might come again before you see you results? Go to Sheen.

I’m seeing broken people come into a deeper understanding of God’s love and pursuit for them. I’m seeing those who have rejected the sacraments return to Confession and the Sacramental life of the Church. I’m seeing the faithful have a new zeal and renewed devotion. I’m seeing chains of sin break off of people. I’m seeing priests and religious transform. I’m seeing fractured relationships be repaired. I’m seeing the far off come ever closer. I’m seeing people I love be totally set free. 

It was ten years ago that I prayed inside the crypt where Bishop Sheen is buried at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York and God manifested for me in a very profound way. This was a stand out moment in my life that I will never forget, nor does God want me to. 

During that time I was working in diocesan communications and Sheen was helping me navigate through the challenging scandals in the Church. I know many are greatly troubled by what they see and hear. I learned to keep my eyes on the prize, Jesus and to look to Sheen to help me in my own walk. That he did. He also interceded in a powerful way for the renewal of  a local diocese and the Church I loved. We need Sheen now! Here’s a recent broadcast where I expound on some of these details in depth (brace yourself, it’s two hours so maybe if you are on a train, plane or have a free night) Listen here

I made a promise when I prayed in the crypt ten years ago that if Sheen helped me with my five impossible intentions (3 things for other people and 2 intentions of my own) that I would promote him.  Immediately, Sheen went to work for me and he put me to work. Of those intentions, three were answered right away. Like, not to be all Valley Girl speak in my delivery –  but like, RAPID fire. As this book was released to the world, the fourth intention came like a thief in the night. Now I wait for the final intention. It’s one for me. Best for last. Showman that Sheen is, he works it to be the most dramatic, exciting outcome for the glory of God. (*note: there is no testimony without a test). 

There have been layers of grace and growth in my devotion to Fulton Sheen and the application of his teaching. Just when you think you have “graduated” there is a whole new higher level of blessing and for me this book project was like a huge spiritual PhD that I didn’t even know I needed. Sheen has taken me by the hand and through his little “school” and washed me, my thinking, my memories, my daily devotions and truly increased my receptivity to Love. This is so necessary for me at this stage of my life and to know in new ways the power of God for all that’s about to unfold. 

I’m believing for you for what you seek from the Lord this day. Know that he’s working it out for you behind the scenes and if you need a friend in heaven to advocate for you before the throne of God, invite Bishop Sheen to join your prayer and you will be amazed and speechless at how things come together in the impossible areas of need that you have for your life, your dreams, desires and long-awaited unanswered petitions. God gives us holy helpers to make our way straight and to immerse us in His Divine Will. He gives us heavenly reinforcements to strengthen our Cross bearing as we wait on God to build and orchestrate things in the Divine. This is where we find deep abiding joy. If you want this, go to Sheen who will help you understand Jesus better. 

In the words of the great Fulton J. Sheen, “Divine love when it enters a soul, takes possession of it, refreshes it, penetrates it utterly.” 

Praying for you! 









Come What May



“The prophecy and the promise of faith, whose fulfillment was awaited by the whole people, the Israel of divine election, and the whole of humanity: This was Mary’s mystery. Joseph did not know this mystery. She could not transmit it to him, because it was a mystery beyond the capacity of the human intellect and the possibilities of human language. It was not possible to transmit it by any human means. It was only possible to accept it from God – and believe. Just as Mary believed.” – Saint John Paul II

What is going on with time? Is it me or is it flying like a speeding bullet? It seems like two nano seconds ago I was planning a spontaneous Christmas trip to Mexico, wrapped in the season of grace, lights, beauty, adventure, divine encounters – and flash forward and it’s May 2018. They say time flies when you are having fun (and busy). But I’m really conscious of time, seasons and above all His appointed timing.

Enter May. I’ve always loved this month. There’s a little more to love on the east coast because after long winter days it seems like “suddenly” there is an explosion of newness. Your mind cannot imagine after winter days, snow, shoveling, gloom, and that London-like dramatic weather that color could pop and you could get a spring back in your step. By February wardrobes switch to minty greens, pale pinks and those icy pastels to get in the mind set that better days are coming. But by May everything is in full watercolor bloom. In California “spring” is still something that occurs even though it’s in a constant state of bloom here, there are new blooms and flowering that, although a little less dramatic, that signify the reality of a changing season and help with the concept of marking time.

The spring I am familiar with in Boston reveals a beauty that lies underneath – one that emerges on a schedule that perpetually surprises as if you couldn’t remember what a magnolia looked like or a cherry blossom, peony, daffodil, or a tulip. And then all of the sudden they have arrived in all their glory as if they were there all along –  colorful, vibrant, poised and decorative. When did they bloom? They were not there and then suddenly flowers. An explosion of flowers. Their arrival marks the season of spring and a rebirth of things anticipated and hoped for. The signs of spiring point to Heaven, not just making way for longer days, pretty pink lipsticks, lighter clothes and outdoor activities but, become an outward sign of an inward reality of what happens in a soul – in a season of a life when God begins to unfold His plans and in His appointed time. (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Even in the natural God shows us that timing is everything.

This month is dedicated to Mary, the Mother of God as a season where we put all things under her mantle, increase our devotion and approach her intentionally knowing that this is a month of her sway, a month that the Church has consecrated to her Motherhood for efficacious results. It’s also the month dedicated to her spouse Saint Joseph. The month kicks off with his feast on May 1, dedicated to Saint Joseph the Worker. And if I want to drag in other saints who are special to May, I will point out Ven. Fulton J. Sheen’s birthday is May 8 Saint John Paul II was beatified on May 1 and his birthday is May 18. And precious Saint Philomena has a special day on May 25. I could go on. Each of these however has a particular love and relationship to Our Lady. They are heaven’s most fierce and powerful intercessors. (While everyone is all wound up on Star Wars, I’ll just be over here waiting for the heavenly flood of Marian May miracles).

Why do dates matter? Why is timing important?

What we know about Heaven is there is always the grace of place and time. God is strategic, creative, and the master designer and orchestrator of the human story. God ordained places in history for His manifest presence to visit or be experienced – be it Old Testament or New Testament. I like to call it the “grace of the place.”  God ordains timing for His will to be realized in our lives as well. He’s not just a historic creator of the Universe and historical events and miracles, but alive and continuing to exact His will and plan in human hearts.

In the age of on-demand technology that has groomed us to not be able to wait for literally anything to unfold, the ability to understand the graces of God’s timing and place can be very countercultural. I minister to a lot of young people who grapple with whether their prayers are being answered or not, or if they should change course because the vision has not yet been realized and things are taking too long.

How to wait in an age of the instantaneous? How to believe that Heaven will break through, suddenly and strategically.

We serve a mighty God who is busy behind the scenes even when we cannot see fully what he is doing. On a recent retreat that I gave featuring my new book Fulton J. Sheen, I shared about this a little bit when witnessing about intercession and answered prayer. I invited the retreatants to consider a theatrical performance, how much goes into the show before the curtain can open. There’s the script, casting, memorization of the lines, rehearsals, set design, collaborators, producers, costume design, music, make-up and hair, technical accoutrements and so on. Literally the stage has to be set. The audience cannot see the stage being set and isn’t privy to all the hard work and preparations, but there are long hours, toil, sweat and intentional preparation and plans. The curtain cannot open until everything is perfect. This is what Heaven is like. This is who God is for us when it comes to the grace of place and time for His will to be manifest. Do you want the curtain to open before everything is ready? (Song of Solomon 8:4)

Our Lady knew about the grace of a place and the grace of timing and believing in the hidden and unseen power of God. This is why she is the perfect model for us in our Christian journey of faith as we strive to live in His will and walk by faith not by sight. This is what your May can be about as together we intentionally position ourselves under her Queenship.

Saint Luke shares the details about the Annunciation by recalling “In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth.” Time and place is important in history. God uniquely selected Mary from the beginning of time from Nazareth to be the bearer of the Son of God who would take away our sins. A big God stoops down into a village, to a virgin maiden, one who was hidden and unknown. Mary had been consecrated in the temple as a little girl, cloistered in His love in preparation for a mighty destiny, chosen for such a time as this. No one may have regarded Mary in this small village but God regarded her and saw her. None of her waiting was a waste. None of her preparation or sacrifice was a waste. It bestowed on her the highest favor of God. (Luke 1:26)

Mary also grapples with the hidden things of the Father. After the angel greets Mary with this announcement of conceiving Jesus in her womb she declared, “How can this be? I do not know man?” (Luke 1:34) How many times could we say, how could this be? How will this happen? How will the desire of my heart come to pass? I don’t see anything happening. Mary had to look with the eyes of faith and believe what Angel Gabriel foretold to her. It was so. (Hebrews 11:1)

Mary shows us how to live in the favor of God by having fellowship with Him and by being set apart. She lived under the law of Heaven in an extraordinary way, thus the favor of God rested upon her. Then in His appointed time, the manifestation of her destiny is realized.

May shows us that if we position ourselves under her mantle of grace and model her life, we too can live a radical destiny for Christ. Even when things seem impossible. Even when we are hidden and the least likely candidate. Even when all odds are against us. Even if it seems our time has passed. Even if no one else but us has received revelation.

You never know what a day will bring and you never know what a “May” day will bring. I stand in anticipation of all He has for me, come what May.

Praying for you+



Denial = Gain




There’s a time and a season for the feast and a time and a season for the fast. Lent is that season in the Liturgical calendar set aside to retreat and turn back to a deepening of our relationship with Jesus. The 40 days leading to Holy Week and Easter, the holiest season in the Christian calendar, is an opportunity to enter into the wilderness with Jesus.  This can seem burdensome, too hard or isolating but it’s where the grace flows and deliverance happens.

People give up social media, steaks, M&M’s and coffee in a competitive one up-ness on who has made the greatest Lenten sacrifice only to boast it on Facebook and document when they fall. #fail

But do we really understand why we are giving things up and removing our creature comforts and daily addictions for a few weeks?

The Bible tells us that the Spirit led Jesus into the desert where he was tempted by Satan. Jesus fasted and was away from people, civilization for this period of time before He entered into that Salvific moment on the Cross. And yeah, Jesus was not hashtagging that. It was a real-life standoff with the Hell that was coming against the Son of God and the Divine Will plan to set all humanity free.

We are about to the half way mark on the way to Easter and so this is just a little check in to encourage you on the way. Maybe you blew Lent or have not made a resolve to go anywhere with Christ, let alone deeper. Maybe you ditched church and God things a long time ago because of some sin or hang up against your notion of what church is or isn’t. You see Lent and these 40 days are an opportunity for us to get back in relationship with Jesus. To unite our fallen nature with His higher nature. To be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. Matt 5:48

“Then Jesus was led of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.”  Matthew 4:1

The number 40 is seen a number of times in the Bible as a period of trial and testing to be cleansed and perfected. In Noah’s day it rained 40 days and 40 nights. Moses fled and lived in Midean for 40 years returning to Israel at the appointed time for God’s plan of deliverance. Israel also wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, until after those who did not believe died and Israel entered into the Promised Land. And of course, after Jesus was raised from the dead, he remained on the earth for 40 days until the Ascension.

40 is a big number.  And it involves a prayer fight, period of preparation for greatness and knowing your enemy. Jesus could not conquer sin and death unless he battled the devil face to face with full knowledge of the adversary. At the same time, Jesus was not left to battle alone, he had the full love of the Father and angelic reinforcement in this test. He took this on for us.

You might be battling heavy burdens so entering into this “wilderness” time with Jesus might just feel too much.

But it’s fitting that we are permitted to enter into our own forty days with Jesus to confront the demons that assail us – the sins, imperfections, weaknesses, bad habits, generational sins – and deal with them dead on with the grace of the Sacraments to confound them. The Church invites us into the Sacramental life of the Church (frequent reception of Holy Communion, Confession) and to “fast” moderately as a form of mortification that brings clarity of spiritual vision (to see ourselves as we really are and the adversary). Fasting also brings power to our spiritual fight. Jesus emptied himself of all food and physical nourishment which in turn strengthened him in the battle he was waging on our behalf. We too become trained in self-denial for a greater good – for freedom and His will.

In the same way Jesus was to take the strong man down with prayer and mortification, He shows us how to follow Him to defeat the enemy in our lives. I encourage you to get into a radical prayer cave and lose the excess of frivolous gatherings, nights out and noise in exchange to mystically position yourself with Christ in the Lenten desert. If you have extra time, exchange a night out with friends for a Holy Hour at home or at Church. Ditch the favorite hours of television and have a quiet night.

There can be a lot of things coming at you – emails, Facebook messages, demands on your time from people who are not on the same page. Make an exchange of your desires and these distractions for something of Heaven. It’s in the silence and the wilderness where the clarity of His voice can be heard, His will for your life be made known and your deliverance from things unholy are won.

Pope Benedict XVI said, “The ultimate goal of fasting is to help each one of us to make a complete gift of self to God.”

There’s still time. You can begin again and surrender your own will and self interests for His interests and plans for your life and have the best Easter you have ever known.

Praying for you+


Deepest Longing




Hey Valentines, let me know if you agree…

I think it’s Heaven’s sense of humor that Valentine’s Day and the beginning of Lent are co-mingled and marked with the sign of an ashy Cross on February 14th, the universal day reserved for love and lovers. I heart this development. There are memes being created that slickly reveal that the “heart” of  Saint Valentine boasts “LENT” after all. {VA-LENT-INE}. Couples and singles bemoan the juxtaposition of the two “feasts.” Some are ah-ha-ing that love is truly a Cross. Some will have no clue at all. What Ashes?

God’s funny. But really, what have we made of love? It seems Heaven’s conspired to point us back to the origin of what Love really is – to consider that the Love of all Loves  condescended to earth and confined Himself in a human womb as a baby, a boy and son of a carpenter, and a man who conformed Himself in radical obedience all the way to Calvary, to be crucified as the ultimate Sacrifice of Love.

There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with celebrating love. It’s good and holy. (bring it on). God himself is the greatest romantic, wooing humanity with a Passion of ultimate proof of Love found in the Cross. Love is a decision, not a feeling. And it’s important to know that Love has a Name: Jesus.

We are about to embark on the holiest season of the Christian year journeying through the 40 days of Lent to Easter. Ash Wednesday is always the kick off so to speak. The beginning of the plunge into the wilderness and a time for metanoia, a turning back from the places we have been scattered, lost and rebellious. The places where we have abandoned His Will for our own. The places in time when we ignored His call. The places of sin and weakness. The vacant places of discouragement, loneliness, delay, loss, lack, abandonment, sickness, pain. It’s a time to enter into Love itself. The Love that wounds itself to reveal the depth of the Lovers love. To know that we have a Savior above all that knows our human hearts, that He has written our Names on His heart. That He let his heart be pierced with a lance to gush blood and water for our sins, a price for our human hearts and our salvation to be one with Him forever. Love with nothing in return.

The longing and ache of the human heart without remembrance to keep God at the center is left only to be frustrated. My contemporary hero, Ven. Fulton J. Sheen is profound on matters of the heart:

But I think the real meaning is that when God made your human heart, He found it so good and so lovable that He kept a small sample of it in heaven. He sent the rest of it into this world to enjoy His gifts, and to use them as stepping stones back to Him, but to be ever mindful that you can never love anything in this world with your whole heart because you have not a whole heart with which to love.

“Look at your heart! It tells the story of why you were made. It is not perfect in shape and contour, like a Valentine Heart. There seems to be a small piece missing out of the side of every human heart. That may be to symbolize a piece that was torn out of the Heart of Christ which embraced all humanity on the Cross. But I think the real meaning is that when God made your human heart, He found it so good and so lovable that He kept a small sample of it in heaven. He sent the rest of it into this world to enjoy His gifts, and to use them as stepping stones back to Him, but to be ever mindful that you can never love anything in this world with your whole heart because you have not a whole heart with which to love. In order to love anyone with your whole heart, in order to be really peaceful, in order to be really wholehearted, you must go back again to God to recover the piece He has been keeping for you from all eternity.”

I love the idea of Lent and St. Valentine’s Day being intertwined. In our culture that has so much longing, oftentimes longing that isn’t rooted in Christ, may everyone discover that this longing is not in vain. It’s a heart cry toward the Creator which necessitates Communion and challenges us to embrace vocations in imitation of this great love. I think that all lovers and prospective lovers have the greatest blessing of 2018 to have their deepest longing be united in imitation with the Divine Lover and a reminder to know that “greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

May we be courageous enough to imitate this great Romance.

Praying for you, sweet VA-LENT-INES+ (and if you see my parents around Boston on 2-14, please wish them a happy Valentine Anniversary)  xoxoxo




{Extra credit: 12 promises of the Sacred Heart}

See, I am doing a new thing!




2017 was watershed in many ways and foundational to all the “new” that is being built in my life. A lot of passing of the “old” to make way for His breakthrough and destiny to be fully realized in my life. There was labor, loss, travel, triumph, surprise and speed in only the way the Holy Spirit creates, breaks, burns and liberates, binds and changes things up…and that’s not just me going from platinum to a rootier edgier blonde, haha! In all seriousness, I have a tremendous joy welling up inside me as this year comes to a dramatic finish with the new, I would say, already birthing and breaking forth like the dawn. I have glimmers of where I am going and who I am traveling with…

The old is passing.

The greatest sorrow of my year, the most dramatic for my family, was the passing of my grandmother, my mom’s mom, to Eternity. We have been preparing for this spiritually and emotionally for some time now. No matter how ready you think you are, nothing can prepare a human heart for this type of loss.

This past year was really her final preparation as we watched my gram die to this life and move fully into the Arms of Love. When I traveled home to Boston for Thanksgiving break, God showed me I was going home for her passing. I’m so grateful she waited for me and that we were permitted to be by her side in vigil for three days and nights in her final battle on earth, her final offering of suffering this side of Eternity. It was so like our Lord’s Passion and we were able to tell her how much we loved her, to pray her to her heavenly home with the Rosary, to plead Mercy and sing praise around her bed for the gift of her life. She was the matriarch of our family in truest fashion and held us all together. Life without her will never be the same and my little heart feels shattered sometimes as the sorrow comes unexpected and like a river. But the true reality of our faith tells us without a doubt that Heaven is our home and that we are united in the Body of Christ especially at every Mass. I know this loss is also the greatest gift as she is one of my (our) most fierce intercessors.

She was mother, grandmother, great grandmother, aunt, sister, and cousin. She was ushered home on the obscure, yet powerful feast of the Presentation of Mary. Important to us because of Anne’s role in our family (many of us are named Anne in some format) and that of Our Lady. This was a great sign and consolation that Our Lady with St. Anne presented my grandmother to the Lord. Plus, let’s face it – my grandmother wanted to be presented! (Drama!) Significant that I was recently at the Shrine of St. Anne in Quebec over the summer, a powerful place of grace where all my intentions were laid down including that of a peaceful holy death for my gram. Such an answer. Heaven’s response. A true blessing of this year in review.

The new is coming.

Prior to traveling home for this profound life event, the Lord placed in my heart that at Christmas I was to travel on a spiritual pilgrimage to prepare the way for what’s coming next in my life. (Is 43:19). The Lord brought me to Los Angeles in the fall of 2015, in what was the complete and total surprise gift of my life that expanded and opened up new territory, spiritual family and roots in a place that God has prepared for me from the beginning of time. There are no flukes in the Kingdom of God. What He wills, He does if we avail ourselves to His design, even if others get in the way or we get in God’s way. I thank God that I didn’t resist His plan despite the thorns, unknown and occasional loneliness. (Psalm 147)

At Christmas, God was saying MEXICO! (I was saying Rome!) But the Lord, pounded on my heart and this celestial invitation from Our Lady become a reality and was confirmed in the most profound way under direction from one of my spiritual mamas in Florida and a holy priest who confirmed this trip basically mapping it out. Next to my whirlwind move to LA, no trip or circumstance has happened as fast as this Mexican trip. Closing down 2017 and offering Christmas in a radical way to Our Lady of Guadalupe was a crowning moment and a signal grace of what God is building in my life. I’m so grateful that Heaven’s call and God’s Divine Will overpower my own will, because the mini pilgrimage of blind faith was flooded with surprise graces and special divine encounters. God wouldn’t let me miss.

Normal family life would dictate that I be with those in grief or go back to that place of loss, but the Lord was calling me forward and preparing me for what He’s about to add into my life. God is the best mathematician and he always multiplies. I wasn’t sure what Mexico would be like, or what it would be like to be on my own at Christmas but it was truly the most joyful, blessed and fortifying trip. Mexico City was full of love and affection, romance and glamour (hello!) and an abundance of faith. A complete sensory experience, I was overcome at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe which I visited twice. The people movers that position you underneath the miraculous tilma seemed so completely odd, and because I could not get enough, I kept going around and around like luggage on a conveyer belt for each and every heartfelt prayer request. Aint no pilgrim like this aggressive American pilgrim going in for the overflow! There is really only one big intention that I traveled for and God already shows me the dam is about to burst. Sometimes we have to move our feet and then God makes his move. Hola!

Mount Tepeyac was more powerful than I anticipated. We climbed atop the hill and prayed in the place where Saint Juan Diego received the miraculous roses that Our Lady instructed he was to take to the Bishop as a sign. Read more about this approved Marian apparition here. Our Lady’s love for the laity, love for her sons – the Bishops, and her ability to bring about the miraculous as she stands in intercession to change history completely overwhelmed me. I love that Heaven is creative, romantic, and surprising!

We also visited the church of the Holy Family where the body of Blessed Miguel Pro is housed, an important experience because of my work on the movie For Greater Glory back in 2012. Pro is not mentioned in the film, but he was a central figure in the Cristiada as a martyr and one who was “undercover for Jesus” (my kind of guy!) fearless for the name of Jesus Christ. I felt this pull to pray near him and call down his intercession. Those early movie days were central to all that is unfolding in my life now and there was a massive grace in this particular Church on Christmas Eve in beautiful Mexico City. Padre Pro said, “prepare your intention for Heaven, because I will be your greatest attorney.”  BOOM!

This year, I started by own business called AWE!, took the helm as host of Mary’s Touch radio show and completed my first published work Ex Libris: Fulton J. Sheen set to be released next April 2018 by Pauline Publishing. This past year was a year of transition and very foundational as ministry grows and expands for His glory. This is just the beginning. I consecrated each of these endeavors to Our Lady.

God is surprising me again with the gift of a trip to Florida for New Year’s and my birthday, a grace to spend the first few weeks in Palm Beach where God has blessed me abundantly, the place of my most profound spiritual growth and transformation, a place of leaping forward in the Holy Spirit and where God worked so many miracles for me. I believe there is such a thing as the grace of a place and with that in mind, I’m traveling with blind faith to spend some time praying in 2018 and all the victory and miraculous breakthroughs that HE has for this season of my life. Cheers to new beginnings and fulfillment. Grateful for this past year, blessing those who have traveled with me and those HE is placing on my path for what’s manifesting now. There are no coincidences with God. Bring it on!

What is He doing anew in your life? How will you respond to this grace?

Praying for you+



“I’ll Promote You”



That was the last thing I uttered when I was inside the crypt at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City at Christmastime 2008. I was praying to then Servant of God Fulton J. Sheen asking him for intercession with a litany of impossible prayer requests, three for others, and two for me. I closed my prayer with, “If you help me with these intentions, I will promote you.” 

Who does that?

WIN. Sheen’s already famous! That profound moment inside the crypt was a beginning of so many things in my life through the intercession of America’s Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. So it’s no coincidence with God that a whole ten years later, this desire to make this holy bishop in heaven known to a new generation has resulted in a published work: EX LIBRIS: FULTON J. SHEEN which is set for release by Pauline Media on April 1, 2018. Today, on the memorial of Sheen’s death, I’m so happy to share the book cover with you! ^^^

Here are 13 quick takes on this project: 

  1. I took a small piece of work helping out an actor in Hollywood. At that time, God spoke into my heart and instructed me, “don’t take any money… help this man and watch what I do for you.” At the conclusion of that tiny PR blitz, I was invited to take on this publishing project.
  2. Ex Libris: Fulton J. Sheen is the first in a new series by Pauline Media and Ex Libris is Latin for “from the library of.” Pauline Media will use this series to feature the saints and spiritual masters.
  3. Who wouldn’t want their work published by the Media Nuns? They are committed like Sheen was in his time to evangelize through the media in all available formats and everything is wrapped in prayer. SCORE.
  4. When you chew on this book and Sheen’s words, you feel the Gospel come to life in a new and profound way.
  5. The Holy Spirit was so present as I selected the content – I look at the mystery of God (God is Fire), Human Freedom, Divine Love, Sin and Knowing Jesus.
  6. During this process, I wept a lot. The power of God was so in this that reading Sheen’s words over and over again on these topics moved me so deeply and took me into the mystery of God and His great inescapable love for us.
  7. Cardinal Sean P. O’Malley, Bishop Gerald Barbarito, and Bishop Robert Reed at CatholicTV have all endorsed this work and I’m so very grateful for their constant support.
  8. The introduction is my personal story how in a “New York Minute” this Emmy Award winning bishop broke into my world.
  9. At the end of the book there is a mini-study guide so you can use this in a book club or at home.
  10. Three to Get Married was the first book that I ever read by Sheen.
  11. Sheen is still operative as a massive intercessor… today on Dec. 9th, the memorial of his death, cry out to God and ask for your intentions through Sheen’s powerful intercession – he will help with EVERY area of your life. Prepare yourself because he shows up!
  12. Three out of my five intentions have been answered and there are 2 biggies to go.
  13. The book is dedicated to my future husband, for without my desire for the vocation of marriage and the man I have been praying for forever, this ten-year journey with Sheen would not have happened. (You’ve already given me the best, even as I wait for you).

Thanks for your friendship and love on this incredibly wonderful project. Please share this news and sign up here to receive updates. Spring is around the corner! Christmas first+

God love you, God bless you!

Praying for you+



Thanksgiving in Delays and Detours





I jumped in the last blue taxi at the Austin airport on the way to Susana’s house. I was excited to get to her because it had been a while and even though it was well past midnight I knew we’d be up late – catching up, talking, and not wanting to go to sleep. This is the spiritual sisterhood that God’s forged, one that’s hard to explain, it just is and seems like it existed since forever.

I’ve been traveling to Austin every so often this year with the addition of Mary’s Touch. God’s expanse of blessing has produced ministry and people. It’s not lost on me. My heart is over full at how it seems to be a massive season of blessing of the authentic – and restoration of things lost or delayed.

After ten minutes in the cab my phone totally died and though a pretty fearless Boston gal most of the time, I was not thrilled about it being the middle of the night with now no working phone and a taxi driver who just announced he was running out of gas. At this point I was getting aggressively “east coast” with a litany of directions to the cabbie as it seemed he was driving me into an abandoned truck stop. I silently prayed and told him to turn the cab around and find a lit gas station. “Just keep going.” There was nothing in sight and I will admit I was fighting the panic that was overtaking me. I am calm in big cities, but open spaces and darkness have potential for panic attack.  After a good 12 minutes, of complete darkness and no lights, finally a gas station and I was plotting my exit.

There was a convenience store that was open and got out and had him pop the trunk, grabbed my luggage and burst into the store asking the woman manning the joint to charge my phone for me behind the counter and could she help me talk Susana to me with directions to come get me. “Don’t worry honey you are good now. You are fine. We’ll send him on his way. I’m Nikki.”

She was safe. She was rattling off names of streets Texas style as I stood there perplexed. She couldn’t figure out why I didn’t know these parts of Austin until I enlightened her that I wasn’t really from around here but was just in town for the weekend. “For what?” I proceeded to tell her I was there for a retreat on the Blessed Mother. “You know the Mother of God.”


I got a drink and the trashiest snack food possible to crunch my anxiety away while I waited impatiently for my phone to charge until I could call Susana. I felt dead and relieved all at once and couldn’t stop thinking about how little sleep we would get before our board meetings and the radio shows the next day. It was going to be an all-nighter at this point and I was suddenly scanning the aisles for Visene. It was a total inconvenience for Susana. Did I over react? Why didn’t we book an earlier flight? Why isn’t there Uber in this city? What taxi driver has an empty tank? Was that a total scam? What am I doing in this place?

I suddenly thought about this woman and how she’s alone in this place all night with every manner of everyone coming and going. I said, “Hey Nikki, how do you manage here overnight like this – are you safe?” She told me she’s fine and that her police friends come in and out through the night. She has her buddies that look out for her. She said “I have to work here and I also work at a hotel in a very bad area too. I was born in a cycle of poverty and had a baby as a teenager. I need to work.”

My heart sank as I considered her situation. I told her I thought it was awesome that she kept her baby and that she has this strong work ethic. That she was a leader. That she would go far. I was suddenly giving this massive convenience store pep talk. I was too tired for words, but I was suddenly standing up and was turning Texas cheerleader for Nikki. She helped me. And that she was so encouraging. I thanked her for being here for me.

I told her that I was going to give the retreat this weekend on generational sins and habits and that maybe my cab was breaking down to just tell her that she WILL break the chains of poverty in her family and that God wants to use her to do that. That there was no coincidence with God that my little blue cab couldn’t make it any further and ended up here, right now in this place. She began to weep. I told her she was strong. And that she could stand in the gap and be the woman that no woman ever was in her family – that as her children watched her work ethic and integrity, they would learn from her and model her, not the sins of the past. She cried more and we embraced.

I was so in my own drama about the maze of the broken down blue cab to not see right away that even in the inconvenient moments, we need to praise Him. Praise Him because He sees where we are going and why, even if it’s for five minutes or five months. He is the Divine Transporter in the disguise of broken instruments who seem like a mess, the wrong fit or a mistake. He is the mover, the Divine Shifter to move our feet to be His for another. Thanks-giving. Thank Him when it seems to be going wrong, or you feel detoured, delayed or duped. It is precisely in those moments when God is operative.

Nikki was proof to me that I need to be grateful and expectant. That God is not a man that He would lie and change His mind about my life and the direction it’s going. If there are delays or detours or unexpected stops on the way it’s because there is an assignment, a blessing, and that I am to be a blessing. I was stuck overnight for a few hours that stretched a late night into a super late night, but it was worth it. God loved Nikki that much to inconvenience me to send a message of love and encouragement. God showed me as he burdened me that He bore the greatest burden of the Cross as the greatest message of love the world could ever know. Even if it seemed in vain, a waste, or not even like a kingly thing to do, He did it anyway.

I’m so grateful that I ended up with Nikki that night. She encouraged me and I encouraged her. She has something I needed, safety. And I had something she needed, assurance.

Let’s be grateful for even the things that seem broken. God can bring forth His greatest glory from these places.

I’m still thinking about Nikki. I pray for her every day.

Like Nikki, we can stand in the gap and do things differently so that we break old cycles and old patterns. We can be heroes in our own spaces that we occupy. I look up to her for her willingness to work hard, to not be bitter, to be a loving source of encouragement, to have chosen life at a great cost to herself. I pray she rises higher and higher and God lifts her to the next level. I know He will.

Thanksgiving for His timing and His mercy even in the detours.

Praying for you+