DODGING CONFUSION IN A DATELESS CULTURE
It’s happened to you. A creep or a stud has asked you, “Do you wanna hang out?” and as much as your Friday night has a vacancy sign hanging all over it, you know that you know that you know that the blurred lines of a hang out just aren’t for you. Ain’t nobody got time for that, Hangman.
It’s become so frustrating I actually wanted to quip back to some of these hang-er outers, “Hang out and DO what?” I feel for the guys in today’s society who have lost their ability to risk it with the masculine art of approach and chivalry that seem to be from a bygone era. Yes, the Cinderella lives in every woman: we love our doors held open for us, surprise flower bouquets, and most of all, we love a well-planned date. I know you princes are out there. This may very well be as much for you as all my Cinderella sisters out there.
I grew up listening to my dad talk about his courtship with my mother from the first blind date meeting to the second date and the rapid succession of dates to follow, all thoughtfully planned, meals and elegant date-spots remembered, conversations shared, pivotal moments of knowing, recounting the carefully plotted outfits selected to impress, hilarious flubs while trying to woo, the involvement of family quietly cheering from the sidelines, the thoughtful and beautiful expressions of love and romance, the danger and toil as the love of two souls began to merge into one and a lifetime of marital dating and romancing to follow.
Sorry if I just can’t hang out.
I can’t quite pinpoint the exact time and space that the hang out (and hook up) culture emerged bringing courtship and plain old dating to near extinction. Hanging out seems noncommittal and an easy way out if you suddenly change your mind, don’t click but don’t want to be humbled in saying so, or just want to keep things strung along for a back up plan. These hangers want to hang out with you, check you out, give you the once over, have their friends vet you, litmus test you in a riskless format and never suffer the vulnerability of an authentic chase. It’s like a dang-out. Date that’s a hang-out, but no one knows “is this really a date? Does he like me? Did he just ask me out?” I’m confused. We are all confused.
My sweet sisters, if any guy is asking you to hang, I dare say hang on and wait for the authentic pursuit of your time and your heart from an intentional man with a plan. Don’t waste your precious time conforming to the cultural confusion because by enabling it you feed the beast of the serial hangers who want to get away with dating murder!
Here are my top encouragements to protect your heart and time as you wait for the worthy one to pursue you:
1. Stay strong! Don’t be seduced by a man’s desire to hang out – the intentions are either not pure or he’s not risking it – you were made for more! Wait for it sweet one.
2. You’re worth it! Sister, know your worth…Even if it seems like an impossible feat to be pursued by a loving intentional man in today’s culture, know that you are worthy of that pursuit and by staying firm in your conviction, you will attract the man worthy of your heart.
3. Be approachable. Let your light and fun factor shine, because joy and happiness begets the same. As you live a life second to none, you will attract those who want to be in your life and will not be afraid to let you know it, plan for it and pursue you.
4. Have FUN while waiting and develop a strong posse of bold, loving, sisters who will uplift and encourage you never to cave, but to live your best life now as you prepare to be the woman you are called to be now as you ready to merge lives with God’s best.
5. Define your time! Know what a hang out is… it’s for friends, family and Google, but not for the one who is pursuing you!
Gals, the guy who risks it is out there and not far off, especially when you step out of the dreadful rhythm-less groove of hanging. He’s thinking of you, planning his approach and the way to your heart right now. Don’t be hanging when he comes for you.
I’m in your corner sweet ones! Hang tough+
Praying for you!
4 thoughts on “Why I don’t hang out”
I totally hear what you’re saying and I love formality and all of those things. I wish someone liked me enough to ask even to just hang out, but no one does. I want all the special things and I want to hang out too. It’s exhausting getting ready to go anywhere and it’s so relaxing to hang out and watch a movie and eat something yummy and talk to anyone. For me, if I had the chance, I would be glad to do the formal things and then be relaxed and”hang out and watching . . . .” something intentionally. That’s the difference to me: is he asking a definite thing? With a specific thing? Or just being vague so he doesn’t have to committ to anything?
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Hi India, i don’t think it’s that someone doesn’t like you enough, it’s more that it’s people seem to be scared to reach out – a major risk to initiate a specific connection.